To say that things are different since I last posted is an utter understatement. I've grown immeasurably both physically and mentally, I've never been one to label myself by how many years I've spent on this planet but reaching certain milestones such as no longer being a teenager seems to do things to you. I have to constantly remind myself that this chapter of my life is getting very serious and that it will probably only be more so in the future. No matter how hard I fight it I am ever changing, learning and maturing and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I am becoming more independent with each passing day and I am only proud of myself for becoming the person I am today.
This past year has been full of so many personal hardships in so many forms and I've faced them all with understanding and treated them accordingly. I made a lot of mistakes in the way I let myself be placed in situations that I wasn't exactly comfortable in, and there was a lot of times where my priories were definitely askew. Nonetheless I don't regret any of it because every choice I have made in the past has allowed me to build character and flourish into who I now am.
There's been countless hurdles and difficulties which have been thrown at me without my better judgement and I've just dealt with them as best I could. I've never met a strong person with an easy past, every single person you know probably has something that's happened to them that's worth falling to the ground and uncontrollably sobbing over and that's why it's so incredibly important to always be kind to one another.
I feel blessed to have inherited my parents' good morals, sensibility and empathy for my fellow human being. Unfortunately there is a great deal of people out there that are only in it for themselves, which I've never been able to understand. If I'm upset the first thing I find myself doing is being kind to someone else because seeing others happy is contagious to me. Being the cause of someone else's contentment is almost indescribable, I haven't been able to find anything more satisfying than that.
The next thing I do is pinpoint the problem and go over it in my head until I can work out how to fix it or reduce it. Depending on what I'm dealing with the next step in resolving it differs, if it's a problem with a person then I think about how I can approach them about it or if it's even worth it, if it's a problem to do with work or studies then I ask myself how I can reduce the workload to limit stress or create a time management plan. If it's something out of my control then I just try my best, I focus on it if needed but I give myself time to be distracted from it too. If there's little things niggling at you then make it your first priority to sort them out, no one deserves to be upset for any reason and if you can solve your own problems then you'll be way better off.
Life is all about balance and unfortunately sometimes things get thrown your way out of nowhere, terrible uncontrollable, cripplingly things and getting through them will be incredibly difficult but if you've made a conscious effort to do everything you can to be satisfied in all other aspects of your life then it will be a lot easier to get through them when the time comes.
Most problems are to do with relationships, everyone is so completely different and no one gets along with every single person they've ever met, it's physically impossible. However every person that is in your life is there for a reason, they come they teach you something and then they leave, sometimes on their own, sometimes because of actions you've produced but nonetheless they've been there and left for a reason. Some people are placed into your life without your control such as peers, teachers, co workers, bosses etc, and you mightn't get along with them but you just have to stay polite and get through the part of your life in which they're present. If any of these people are unrighteously malicious to you or anyone for that matter then that should be dealt with accordingly and if someone is making you feel uncomfortable enough to not want to continue going to the the place where you see them then it's best weigh up if it's worth leaving the circumstance all together.
Partners, friends and even family that make you feel anything less than your worth are not needed in your life. If someone makes you feel slightly negative because of their behaviour then tell them about it and if it's not an issue that you can sort out together then what's the point of having them at all, weigh up your pros and cons and if the bad times outweigh the good then don't stand for it, you deserve to be happy and anyone that sabotages that isn't worth your time or emotions.
I cannot stress how important your own happiness is if something's making you incredibly upset then it's not worth it. Life's too short to be unhappy about something you can remove or change, your mental health should be your first priority always. Know your worth and don't sacrifice yourself for anything that makes you even slightly uncomfortable.
I myself am built from experiences and information, I am learning and constantly growing, we all are. You just have to remember that this life is your journey and every decision that you make has to be for yourself, not anyone else. Everything you have done so far and everything you've been through in the past has made you who you are, and if you don't like that then make an effort to change it, there is no set date limiting you in transforming yourself. At any point you can do absolutely anything you put your mind to. If you are not satisfied with something about yourself then make a conscious effort to fix it.
Learn to love yourself, learn to accept your mistakes and move on. Learn to make positive choices in the future and treat others how you wish to be treated. Hurt people, hurt people and it's absolutely horrible. There are toxic entities out there that will try and bring you down in order to bring themselves up but that's not how it works.
At the end of the day we're all human and all we really crave is love and acceptance. The only reason we act out is based upon fear and sadness, once you learn to love yourself (as hard as it may be) you learn to love everything else around you too and that's when you truly start living.
Happiness is not a solid state, it is not an achievable destination. Life is a very bumpy journey filled with countless ups and downs but you have control over how to feel and react to these hurdles, you have control over yourself, and you and only you have the power to make a conscious effort to be as happy as you can be.
Live your life true to yourself and don't ever feel guilty about something that makes you happy. Surround yourself with like minded people, marry your best friend, tell jokes and give gifts, wear your hair how you want, sing your favourite song in the shower, do whatever makes you smile and never limit yourself due to someone else's doings.
Life is way too short for regrets and self doubt, you are a very capable person and you are so deserving of everything you want.
Open your eyes, your heart and your mind, and be kind and honest always.
Thank you so incredibly much for reading this, I'm sorry if it's a bit unstructured I spoke off the top of my head.
I will be posting lots of new things in the future which I absolutely cannot wait to share with you.
As always much love, and every kindness! Xx
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