Twisted Fate, and a Somewhat New Beginning.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

As I've grown up I've realised a few things about myself as you do. 
I'm a perfectionist of kinds, continuously pushing myself do to better than my best. 
I have an 'eye' for detail, and I enjoy capturing a moment before it's too far gone.
I enjoy the company of others but I also appreciate nothing more than to be left alone.
I take pride in being satisfied with the simpler things in life, and no matter how hard I try not too I always find myself leaving things to the last minute.

I question myself a lot, it's not that I don't have confidence in what I produce it's just that I always strive to do better (even if 'better' is somewhat unattainable). In fear of not being able to live up to the ideals inside of my head I often convince myself out of doing projects, going places, and meeting people. I seem to psych myself out before I've even put forward any actions to make my goals a reality. My health problems do not help with my mindset either, often being too physically and mentally drained to even leave my own house let alone travel far distances is only reason more as to why I often find myself cancelling important plans and feeling like a total bother to everyone around me.

This cycle of frustration and utter dissatisfaction is something I must rid myself of. I'm aware of my body and the way it seems to work, I'm aware of my lack of endurance and increased anxiety, and I'm willing to work not against but with my body and my mind, to gain back the life I once had yet took for granted. 

This year is not a year of excuses and cancellations but a year of time management, completed tasks and positive persona's. This year is my year to create, enjoy and improve.
How can one move forward if they're the one constantly pushing themselves back.

It's not going to be a cake walk and I don't expect it to be. It's going to be exactly what I make it, and by putting in 100% of my (already decreased) stamina I will get there, (slowly.)
I hope to regularly have many new things to show you and update you on, and I really hope you stick around for the journey!  

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